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The Birth Mother’s Journey Ends Too Soon

“Adoption wasn’t the first option I thought of,” Ellie* looked up from inspecting her long, beautifully kept fingernails. She smiled slightly, her makeup less polished than in days past. Having been discharged from the hospital mere hours ago, a delicate veil of weariness rested upon her otherwise striking features.


Ellie admitted she had considered abortion.

She had also considered raising the child with her other two boys. The birth father had promised to care for her and the baby. He had also sent her explicit pictures of him and another woman. Sometimes, he was threatening. Sometimes kind. 


“He said he wanted to help raise the child with his girlfriend, as though I could just hand my baby over to them and walk away,” Ellie explained. “Yet the very next day, he was screaming at me to say that child isn’t his anyway.”


With an astonishing resolve to do what was best for the child within her,

Ellie packed up her incredibly active two-year-old son and drove across four states to live in one Heart to Heart Adoptions’ apartments. She was enjoying the opportunity to spend time with her son while not worrying about housing, food, or other financial burdens.


“I was excited about looking through adoptive parents’ family profiles,” Ellie explained. “There was so much joy and satisfaction in recognizing that I was doing something good.”


Ellie cherished every flutter and movement from within. “I took every precaution to ensure my baby boy was safe,” she emphasized.


“One night, the birth father called. “We had an intense argument. Up to that point, my baby had been moving in my stomach every two minutes, but not after that phone call. The next day came, and I didn’t feel anything. No motion. I thought, maybe the baby is just sleeping. I was trying really hard to be positive. 


“My baby normally woke me up around four in the morning, but he hadn’t kicked once by Monday morning. 


“I was so stressed. I frantically reached out to the Heart to Heart Adoption Agency, and immediately, my case manager brought me to the doctor for an ultrasound. 


“The first two girls who started the ultrasound were confused. They scanned my belly for a few minutes, and then both admitted they didn’t know what they were doing. I was so on edge. 


“Then two nurses came in and checked the machine. Everything was working. I breathed. They scanned my belly. My heart was in my throat. 


“Nothing. I could hear nothing. 


“No heartbeat,” they said. Confirmed.


“I broke down. I thought I was doing everything right. My first two babies had come perfectly, with no complications. Did I do something wrong? Did I eat something? I was fine right up until I talked to Allen. My throat tightened. I sobbed uncontrollably.”


Medical professionals reassured Ellie that she bore no blame for the miscarriage.

“I’ve had such a hard time grieving,” Ellie shakes her head, surprised even at the intensity of her own grief.


“Just because this child would be placed for adoption didn’t mean I didn’t love him. I loved him so much. I wanted him to have a good life. I was doing all I could to choose the best future for my little one. I never wanted something to happen to my baby. I question why it happened every day.”


Today, she bids farewell to the precious soul she had been nurturing. Jodie from Heart to Heart, along with the two-year-old, will join Ellie in releasing balloons as a heartfelt tribute.


Until she is able, Ellie will stay in the Heart to Heart apartment. She embodies the courage, strength, and love for her child often seen in birth mothers. 



Go here to read more of Ellie’s story. 


*names changed