Potential Adoptive Parents Should Know
Interracial Adoption
When our little Black daughter was handed to us, I held her tight and knew our love would protect her from any racial bias or pain.
I was living in a delusional dream world.
Our love was important and gave her a safe harbor to come home to when the open sea rocked her, and the storms raged. However, as she sailed forth, there were big storms and small squalls.
We’ve weathered them with varying degrees of success, but I wish we had been more prepared.
If you’re not going to read any further than this, here’s what you should think about:
Check yourself and your biases. Why adoption? Why a child from a different race? Do you have a savior complex?
Ask yourself are you saying:
“Aren’t I such a great person? I’m a hero. I’m saving this poor baby.”
Vs
“This is a child who needs love and care, and I am fortunate to have this opportunity.”
If you are planning to adopt a child of another race, you will have to change more than just creating a nursery out of the extra room.
Change requires you to embrace diversity in every possible way. If you want to keep your child safe, you will need to understand how race functions in our society.
This is not written to discourage you in this decision. This is said in way of full disclosure.
Transracial adoptions are complicated. They are also glorious.
Take the following steps;
Talk with Your Family and Friends
Adopting a child of another race or culture means your family will become multiracial.
Ask yourself: How will our family and friends respond to this? Will they be supportive and accepting of the child we bring into our home?
- Evaluate your community: Do you live in an area that values racial and cultural diversity? Will your child feel represented and welcomed in schools, neighborhoods, and social circles?
The people around you will play a key role in your child’s sense of belonging. Ensuring that your support network is strong and accepting is critical.
In no particular order, here are the types of things you will hear if you have an interracial family and don’t live in a predominantly Black community.
- Sometime during elementary, your child will come home from school and say, “Everyone stares at me when we talk about slavery.”
- By high school, your teenager will mention, “People say I sound white, so I’m going to start sounding Black.”
- Older, white women will feel compelled to reach over and pet your child’s hair and then make predictable remarks such as, “Your hair feels like wool.” “It’s like a duck. Water rolls right off.”
- An aunt will prepare fried chicken, assuming this is your child’s favorite meal.
- Friends will compliment your daughter by saying, “You are so pretty for a Black girl.”
- The same person who says he doesn’t “see color” will expect your daughter’s favorite singer to be Black and will begin every conversation by asking how she feels about Black Lives Matter or whatever Black issue is trending.
Find Mentors and Role Models for Your Child
Building relationships with adults who share your child’s background provides them with mentors and allies who can:
- Offer insights into their cultural heritage.
- Help navigate questions or experiences related to their identity.
- Provide positive representation and support.
Surround your child with diverse books, media, and stories that include people who look like them and reflect their heritage.
This article highlights the importance of helping children develop pride in their cultural identity while also preparing them for the realities they may face in a society still grappling with issues of race.
Keep the Conversation Going
Race and culture are part of everyday life. Creating an environment where these topics are openly discussed will help your child feel safe and supported.
- Don’t wait for your child to bring up these topics—introduce them naturally.
- Use media, books, art, and current events to spark meaningful conversations about identity, race, and diversity.
- Be honest and open, even when the topics are challenging.
As mentioned in Time’s article, silence about race can inadvertently teach children that their identity isn’t important or valued. Open dialogue ensures they feel heard and understood.
Acknowledge and Prepare for Racism
Adopting a child from another racial background means helping them navigate a world where they may face racism or prejudice. Educating yourself about systemic racism and implicit bias is essential.
- Read, listen, and learn from the experiences of others.
- Develop strategies to address racism and advocate for your child in school, social settings, or public spaces.
This piece emphasizes that parents must recognize their own privileges and blind spots to truly support their children. Taking an active role in combating racism is not only empowering for your child but a necessary step toward building a more inclusive future.
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