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Guest Blogger–Silent Sobs Follow Pregnancy Test

Two unwelcome pink lines confirmed my pregnancy. Denial came first. Tears followed. Hot. Silent sobs.

Silent because Mom was in the kitchen, humming as she packed her own lunch and set a blueberry yogurt on the counter for me.

“I’m leaving,” I heard her call. “Eat something before you go.” She kindly reminded me that my Target uniform T-shirt was waiting for me in the laundry room.

“Thanks, Mom.” I forced a calm reply. I heard the garage door rumble closed.

Then the hot tears became sobs.

My mom still did my laundry. How would she feel if she knew there could be laundry from a baby? I was never going to tell her.  I would abort. I would go alone. I was alone. How much do abortions cost? I could work extra hours. The denial left. I stopped crying. Fear and loneliness traveled with me for several days.

Alone, I called an abortion clinic. They had an immediate opening. “The first trimester costs less,” the cheerful woman said. “You’ll want to come as soon as possible.”

She wanted to know if I wanted a “Private VIP” abortion experience.


“You would be the only patient in the clinic. You can have a guest until you go to sleep. The full staff will be attending you. Then, it will all be over. You won’t have to worry anymore.”

I didn’t have a guest to take. I didn’t have enough money for even the non-VIP experience.

I called and canceled the appointment AND abortion wasn’t right.

We’re all lonely sometimes, but after a lot of prayers, I decided an open adoption was the only option I could live with.

The women at Heart to Heart Adoptions made me feel a whole lot less lonely.

My little girl is three now. I see her regularly, and I do my own laundry.