
Myth: Adopted Children Will Always Struggle with Identity Issues
Reality: There is no research that supports this myth. Certainly, most humans want to understand their biological roots. And definitely, some adopted children may face identity challenges. Many of those identity challenges occur because others constantly ask the child about their “real parents” or “why didn’t your real mom want you.” Children’s concerns can be mitigated with open communication.
Example: Sarah is 20 years old now. She was adopted as a baby and never remembers not being aware of having a birth mother. She sees pictures of her biological family and visits her birth mother. Sarah grew up with the idea that she is incredibly special and unique because she has talents and traits from her biological heritage, and she gets experiences from her adoptive family. She has a strong sense of who she is, embracing her adoption story as part of her unique identity rather than something to be confused about.
Myth: Adopted Children Are More Likely to Have Behavioral Problems
Reality: Behavioral issues are not exclusive to adopted children. With love, stability, and appropriate support, adopted children can thrive just like any other children.
Example: Jason, who was adopted at age two. His adoptive parents noticed he had some behavioral challenges. He has received consistent love, structure, and specialized therapy. Jason is now a thriving teenager who excels in school and has a close-knit group of friends, showing that adopted children can overcome challenges just like any other child.


Myth: Adopted Children Won’t “Fit In” to the Family
Reality: Throughout history, we’re all aware of the struggle between parents and children as they navigate growing up. It’s a normal part of developing relationships and understanding each other better. Parenting is challenging, and both biological and adoptive parents can face difficulties connecting with their children. Love and commitment are what truly matter in building a strong family bond.
Example: When Emma joined the family, her parents had three biological children. Her parents worried about whether she would “fit in.” But as time passed, they realized that, just like with their other children, some days were easier than others. They discovered that it wasn’t about fitting in perfectly but about being committed to each other and finding their way as a family.
Myth: Open Adoption Confuses the Child
Reality: Open adoption is not complicated for a child whose adoption hasn’t been a mystery. They can understand their background and recognize love from every corner. Open adoption can provide children with a better understanding of their background and a sense of connection to their birth family, leading to a more positive identity development. It does not mean co-parenting; children know who their parents are—the ones who care for them daily.
Example: Ethan has always known he was adopted and has a relationship with his birth mother, Karen. Before Ethan went for a sports physical, he called his birth mother and asked about his medical history. This connection wasn’t confusing for Ethan; instead, it reinforced the fact that both his adoptive and birth families loved him.
Myth: Adoption is Co-parenting
Reality: Adoptive parents are the ones who make the decision about a child’s upbringing. Birth family does not have that responsibility.
Myth: Children Who Are Adopted Should Be Told They’re Adopted When They’re Old Enough to Understand
Reality: It’s best for children to grow up always knowing they have been adopted. There should never be an emotional or dramatic reveal. Adoption should be a natural part of a child’s identity from infancy.
Example: Lily grew up hearing bedtime stories about her adoption. How she became part of the family was always part of her life story. Adoption was not a secret. It was just another part of who she was.
