How to Introduce Your Adopted Child Without Asterisks
“This is Suzie. She is our adopted daughter.”
Why would you say that?
When you introduce your adopted child by saying ‘This is my adopted daughter, Suzie,’ you’re creating a distinction that shouldn’t exist.”
They are either your children, or they aren’t. If you have to attach a title to the front of a child’s name, a human being, you’re not ready to take one into your home.
Why Do Adoptive Parents Add the "Adopted" Label?
–Are you seeking praise? “Look at me, I adopted!” Nobody needs to be impressed by you doing what parents do: loving a child.
–Are you making excuses? Blaming your child’s behavior on genetics or “trauma” to strangers isn’t transparency—it’s throwing your kid under the bus.
–Are you being “honest”? Your child’s origin story isn’t public information. Strangers don’t have a right to know how your family was formed.
What Adopted Children Hear When You Use Labels
When you introduce your child as "my adopted daughter, Suzie," here's what Suzie actually hears:
“I’m different from other children.”
Every time you attach that qualifier to her name, you’re drawing a line between her and children born into their families. She hears that she’s not quite the same as her peers whose parents simply say, “This is my daughter.” The label becomes a flashing sign that announces to everyone in earshot: This child didn’t start here. This child came from somewhere else.
“My adoption defines me more than anything else about me.”
Not “This is Suzie, who loves soccer.” Not “This is Suzie, who’s brilliant at math.” Not even just “This is Suzie.” The first thing you want strangers to know about her is how she joined your family. You’ve reduced her entire identity to her adoption story. That’s not who she is—that’s just how she got here.
“There’s something about me that needs explaining.”
Think about it: you don’t introduce other children with disclaimers. You don’t say, “This is Brady, my IVF son” or “This is Emma, my C-section baby” or “This is Michael, my surprise pregnancy.” Why? Because those details are private medical information that have nothing to do with who that child is today. Your child’s adoption is the same. It’s part of their history, not their identity badge.
“I don’t fully belong.”
Children are incredibly perceptive. When you consistently introduce your adopted child differently than you would introduce a biological child, they notice. They internalize it. They begin to wonder if maybe they’re not really your daughter in the same way a biological child would be. If they were truly, completely, unconditionally yours, why would you need to explain it to the checkout clerk at Target?
“My story is public property.”
Your child’s adoption story is deeply personal. It involves loss, trauma, difficult circumstances, and complex emotions. When you announce their adopted status to casual acquaintances, neighbors, or strangers at the playground, you’re telling your child that their private story doesn’t belong to them—it belongs to anyone who’s curious. You’re teaching them that they don’t get the same privacy other children receive about how they came into the world.
“Maybe my parents aren’t quite sure about me.”
When you repeatedly feel the need to qualify your relationship to your child, it plants a seed of doubt. If you were 100% certain that she’s your daughter—fully, completely, without asterisks—would you need to keep saying it out loud? Children can sense hesitation. They can feel when there’s a “but” attached to belonging.
The Right Way to Introduce Your Adopted Child
It’s actually remarkably simple. You introduce your adopted child the exact same way you’d introduce any child.
“This is Suzie, my daughter.”
“These are my kids.”
“This is my beloved daughter.”
That’s it. No qualifiers. No footnotes. No asterisks.
You don’t owe strangers an explanation of how your family was formed. You don’t need to provide context. You don’t need to clarify. Your child’s adoption story is sacred, private information that belongs to them—not to your neighbors, not to the woman at the grocery store, not to your coworkers.
The Bottom Line
Learning how to introduce your adopted child isn’t complicated. You introduce them with love. You introduce them with pride. You introduce them the same way every parent introduces every child they love.
No footnotes. No asterisks. No labels.
Just family.
“This is Suzie, my daughter” is not just the right way to introduce your adopted child—it’s the only way. Because she’s not your adopted daughter. She’s your daughter.
Period.
If you can’t say those words without adding qualifiers, you need to examine why. Your child deserves parents who see them as completely, utterly, unconditionally theirs.
Not “adopted and mine.”
Just mine.
Just yours.
Just family.
When It's Appropriate to Discuss Adoption
Does this mean you never talk about adoption? Of course not.
There are times when discussing how to introduce your adopted child appropriately includes mentioning adoption:
- –With your child’s doctors or therapists who need medical history
- –With close family and friends who are part of your child’s support system
- –In private conversations with other adoptive parents or trusted confidants
- –When your child asks you to share their story in specific circumstances
- –In age-appropriate conversations with your child about their own story
But at the playground? At church? At your office party? In line at the coffee shop?
Those strangers don’t need to know. And more importantly, your child doesn’t need them to know.
What If Someone Asks
“Are all these kids yours?”
“Is she adopted?”
“Where did he come from?”
You don’t owe anyone an answer to invasive questions. Here are some responses that protect your child’s privacy:
- “Yes, she’s my daughter.”
- “That’s private family information.”
- “We don’t share our children’s stories with people outside our family.”
- A simple smile and a subject change.
Your job as a parent is to protect your child—including from well-meaning nosiness.